Writing

So, recently I've been trying to write my novel that I've been planning for a while now, but every time I start it, I wind up scrapping it before I've even finished the first page. I'm trying to make it perfect because I want my friends, or at least someone, to like it.

My friends are really great, but sometimes I wish they were nicer. They're all super talented, so whenever I create something, be it a story or a drawing, they most assuredly won't be impressed. It makes me really mad because I try really hard to be a cheerleader for them, but maybe I'm just not doing it right. Whenever I write something, they've never gone 'oh wow that was so good', they pull out a pen and start marking everything that's wrong with it. It's really disheartening.

I hadn't really realized how much I wanted them to tell me they liked it until one of my friends who isn't really in my normal circle of friends said 'that was well-written, I liked it'. I didn't believe him at first, although it did make me happy.

"She has no confidence in her works, so she looses interest and abandons them." -The World Only God Knows

I think that actually describes me pretty well.

So... I think I just won't let my harsh friends read my things anymore. They're expecting a literary masterpeice, and I can't give it to them. It sucks. I really want them to like something I've written, but it probably won't ever happen.

WRITING IS A MAJOR STRUGGLE FOR ME.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M A LOT SLOWER WITH WORDS THAN ALL OF YOU

I learned to write a YEAR behind everyone in my class.

I learned to read THREE YEARS behind everyone in my class. 

I was in speech therapy for TWO YEARS.

It still takes me TWICE as long as my friends to read something. 

In Spanish, I take about FOUR TIMES LONGER to read a passage than everyone else in my class.

I'm in ON-LEVEL language arts/literature.

Everything important I know about literature, I learned myself by reading and writing myself.

I love to write...

...because I love it when my works are loved...

...but my self esteem is rather low. 

Expectations crush people. 

And I will no longer write under your expectations. 

I think, for all my limitations, I'm doing pretty well. 

So, fuck you I'm writing whatever the hell I want.